With all the demands of caring for small children, keeping the house, making meals and all the other hundreds of things we do daily, finding rest in motherhood is a huge challenge.
As mothers, we would love nothing more than to find rest, any kind of rest. However, when we look for practical tips or advice for how to manage rest, we are often met with unhelpful advice such as “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or over spiritualized advice such as, “resting the LORD is the only rest you need.” Finding rest in motherhood is a little more practical and comprehensive than that though.
This is a post about how to find rest in motherhood.
Rest in Motherhood
Thessalonians 5:23: “May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” As we read in this verse, we are created in three parts: spirit, soul and body. We get exhausted in all three areas, and therefore need to rest in all three areas. Because of this, simply taking a nap or a bubble doesn’t help us feel wholly rested. Or simply getting the chance to read our Bible in the morning doesn’t help us feel wholly rested. I have struggled to understand this in my own motherhood and would always feel drained, depleted, or exhausted. Understanding this has helped me find rest in my own motherhood journey.
Rest of Spirit
First and foremost, as the order in the Bible shows us, we need spiritual rest. This rest is found in the presence of God, through prayer and reading His Word. Of course, our first question is, “When do I have time for that??” Believe me, I GET IT. I’m currently in the thick of it with a two year old and a six week old baby. A nice quiet morning routine before my kids get up? Not in this season! Currently, for me, my baby wakes me up for the day at about an hour before my toddler wakes up. This allows me some time to start my day and I have been able to get my Bible study or quiet time in the morning while nursing and drinking my coffee. In other seasons, I’ve had to do my Bible study during the afternoon naptime. Or other times, I’ve read my Bible aloud to my toddler as she sat with me on the couch or was playing on the floor. We have to be flexible and also understand there is no “perfect” way to study our Bibles or have that time with the Lord. And He fully understands the seasons we are in as mothers! There have also been season where my quiet time with the Lord was in the middle of the night as I was up rocking a baby who had been fussing for hours and was finally asleep. There is so much grace for how that time looks for all mothers in different seasons and stages.
What is important for us to understand, is that this quiet time with the Lord is not a Christian “must do.” It’s not something that is added to our to do list. It is resting our spirit. It may not seem physically or mentally restful, but it is so necessary for the SPIRIT.
Rest of Soul
The next part of our person, is the soul or the mind/emotions. This is a different part of our person that is not necessarily rest simply by reading the scriptures or praying. As mothers, our minds and emotions are overloaded on a daily basis. We are constantly dealing with new information being thrown at us or making a thousand decisions all throughout the day. We do all this while being constantly distracted by children needing us in some way. This takes a massive toll on the mind and the emotions. There are many times when I feel like a rubber band stretched to the max, about to snap at any moment! I had to learn that my emotions and mind need a way to rest as well. This is going to be very practical things that will vary with each persons interests.
For me, I enjoy to read and crochet. I also enjoy creatively planning homeschool content or sharing right here in this blog! When I am doing these things, it relaxes my mind because it is enjoyable for me which releases “happy hormones” in my brain. This helps my mind to feel rested. It gives me a break from all the decisions I have to make through out the day, and time to just do something either mindless (crochet) or use my mind in a different way(homeschool products).
Now, obviously, the biggest thing is “When do we have time for that??” Again, this looks different at different stages of motherhood and might not even happen every day! A few ways that currently work for me is reading a few minutes at bedtime after my baby falls asleep. I might crochet a bit in the morning when only my baby is up but not my toddler. Or I might do any number of things during our afternoon nap/quiet time.
Rest of Body
Last, but definitely not least, is rest of body or physical rest. This is what we typically think of when we think about rest. This is also the hardest rest to come by when you are the thick of motherhood with a newborn or young baby. Even without a young baby we may have sick kids that keep us up at night or pregnancy insomnia (I struggled so badly with this). However, being sleep deprived is not good for our mental state or our spiritual state. All three areas affect each other and sleep deprivation tends to just tip it over the edge. I would say, in certain seasons of motherhood, this is the hardest rest to come by. As I mentioned before, I currently have a six week old baby so I’m getting up on average three times a night. The first month with this little one was incredibly difficult with sleep as she has acid reflux and was crying 24/7. With medication, she is now sleep and waking as an average newborn would. However this will leaves me lacking on sleep and constantly interrupted during the night. I am able at time to get both kids to nap together and can take a nap as well but this is not as common. For me in these short months while baby grows and gradually sleeps long stretches, I find physical rest in nourishing my body well and doing things like going on long walks in the beautiful fall weather we are having.
Motherhood has so many demands that if physical rest is not made a top priority, it doesn’t happen. For example, there are always a million things we can be doing when our kids go to sleep for the night. However, I have had to learn that unless it is an emergency and absolutely can not wait another day, to just leave it and focus on time with my husband, relaxing, reading a book, taking a shower, getting a snack, etc. Instead I use the time I sometimes get in the mornings to work on things or during the nap times where both kids are sleeping. This way, I get things done and use the time they are sleeping wisely, while also allowing time in the evenings to rest myself.
If you have someone nearby who can come in and maybe watch your baby while your toddler naps or keep your kids for a couple hours, etc. this is also a great way to get some time to just shower and take a nap. I know this isn’t an option for everyone. I also don’t have a lot of people available to help me. But my husband and I are able to do things like give each other a few hours off each week. He has a guys pickle ball night with his brothers once a week where he is able to recharge a bit. He keeps the one night a week so I can have a few hours to myself to read, sleep, go for a walk, shop on my own, crochet, etc. Giving each other time to just rest and recharge for a couple hours.
I hope this post about how to find rest in motherhood can be a help to other mothers out there that are in the thick of it same as me! I am currently full blown in the season of motherhood where finding rest, any form of it, is a huge challenge. But without rest we crumble, we burnout, we fall apart and our families fall apart as a result. It is important to prioritize rest, which means making sure we get that rest. If for no other reason, than to be able to continue loving and nurturing our children and families to the best of our abilities.
Please share and tips or things you’ve learned in your own experiences, in the comments!
This has been a post about how to find rest in motherhood.